I never said I was a patient person.
Ok, this recovery thing is bullshit. I’m just going to put that out there. Bullshit.
I went back to running. The doctor said to ease into running. Like walk some, run some, walk more than you run, use a treadmill to be safer.
So I started the Couch to 10K program.
At week four.
Which, in case you were wondering, happens to fit the criteria of walking some/running some, and walking more than running. It just also happens to last 62 minutes and have 11 intervals of running.
My knee swelled up like a balloon. And made crunchy/poppy noises.
Oops.
I know I said I had lost my need to be competitive.
That was a lie. Only, to be fair, I didn’t realize it was a lie at the time. I really thought I’d had a personal growth moment.
It turns out it’s a lot easier to be all personally grown and mature when you’re not actually being tested with things that make your competitive crazy switch flip into overdrive. Who knew.
See, here’s what happened. Some of us at work committed to do the Reno-Tahoe Odyssey. There are those of us on the team who already are runners, and a few who aren’t. One of my co-workers is starting from scratch and I suggested the Couch to 5K program for her. She went online and found the Couch to 10K and, thinking more is always better, she got started. Yay! Right?
Except she got started before I was released to run and the whole time she’s been training the devil in my head is screaming SHE’S GETTING AHEAD OF YOU!!
Which is why it seemed perfectly rational that starting at week 4 of the C210K wouldn’t be a bad idea. I am, after all, an experienced runner. Who had knee surgery six weeks ago.
And you want to know the bad part? The this is where I might need therapy part?
Even after my body’s response to doing stupid shit kicked in and gave me pain so I wouldn’t forget next time, I am having a really hard time backing off the training BECAUSE SHE’S GOING TO GET AHEAD OF ME.
I don’t think you understand the level of crazy here.
Never mind that she wasn’t a runner before so she doesn’t have old injuries and new injuries to deal with.
Never mind that she’s cough10cough years younger than I am.
None of that matters. Running is my thing. It’s what I love. I can accept that there are people who are a lot better at it than I am. My husband can run uphill for days with a 50 lb weight vest strapped to his chest while eating a sandwich and I accepted that. Ok, I accepted it as long as he never runs with me again, but I accepted it.
I don’t know where this need to compete comes from but I appear to be completely incapable of accepting my limitations and taking it easy. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things if she ends up finishing a 10K before me? No.
It doesn’t.
It really doesn’t.
But don’t talk to me about her doing it faster than me. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
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Pee Ess: Tonight I backed way off, all the way back to the Couch to 5K program, and while it wasn’t perfect it was better. I’m really not crazy or self-destructive, so please don’t think I’m going to be reckless just because I’m impatient.
I’m under the impression you know the answer to all of your questions above, but I’m going to say this anyway: slow the heck down. You’re not going to jump right back into the middle of that program – I didn’t. I started at Day 1 of Week 1 and I’m okay with that. Yeah sure, it bugged me that some friends are ahead of me in their goals.
Remember this: “There are times when I wake up and feel totally fat. I try really hard not to compare myself to others but sometimes it’s hard to remind your silly brain to cut it out.
In order to avoid comparing myself to others, I try to compare my abilities to what they were a month ago, 2 months ago, and when I began all this: a mere 11 weeks ago.
Today I can run up to 8 km without feeling like I’m going to die. 11 weeks ago I could run 3 minutes and couldn’t catch my breath enough to talk to my running partner.”
(from this: http://nomoremuffintop.net/index.php/2010/06/so-my-very-best-friends-think-im-crazy/)
We’ve come a LONG way, baby. Both of us. On our own schedules, our own terms, all by ourselves. You will get to your goals but please don’t set yourself back by pushing too hard! xoxoxoxo
@Karen Sugarpants, I know, and I’m trying to keep in mind that it’s not a race. It’s the feeling of losing own my hard-won ground that bugs me the most. I am being smart about it, after finding out what too far is for me right now I backed off considerably. I don’t want to re-injure it, but I don’t want to go too slow either. I have to find the right balance between what’s too much and what is pushing just enough to be therapeutic.
And what if, OMG, she does “get ahead” of you (whatever the hell that means)? Will you explode? Can I watch?
I do get what you mean though. You’ll get there. Slow and steady wins the race. Unless it’s a sprint, but this isn’t, is it?
@Finn – I’ll take pictures if I explode
Seriously, though, after thinking about it more it’s not actually that I’m worried she’ll get ahead of me because who cares. It’s more that I’m worried I’m not going to get there myself, that maybe I won’t bounce back from this one. It’s a pretty unfounded fear, but it’s still there. Which is part of why I might be crazy
You’re going about it all wrong. Instead of thinking that she’s getting ahead and pushing yourself too hard, you should be sabotaging her efforts so she stays behind you in training!
@Avitable – I considered the Tonya Harding approach, but then she’d just call in sick and I’d have to find someone else to do her work and that just seems like a whole lot of effort to me.
And another great post that should be inspiring me to start running again.
@martymankins, It’s always hard for me to catch the motivation to start, but once it’s there it gets easier.
Oh, honey. I get it. I GET.IT.
@Faiqa,
I’m hoping someday I get the hang of just competing against myself. It’s a work in progress.